i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
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