My underwear smells like fireworks.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
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He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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