Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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