so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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