I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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