There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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