I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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