It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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