You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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