did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize