remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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