Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize