apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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