Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize