just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize