hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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