Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
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Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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