no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
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As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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