Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize