Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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