I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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