I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
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I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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