You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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