I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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