it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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