i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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