hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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