I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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