Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled if crying burns calories
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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