I wish I could punch you in the face.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
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he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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