At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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