Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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