They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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