Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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