Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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