Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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