i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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