if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
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My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
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FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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