Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So drunk its hurt
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize