what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize