Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
