just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Randomize
