I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
