I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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