Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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