he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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