fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize