i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
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You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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