I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize