there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
there is puke in my bra ... again
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