i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wish there were birth control emojis
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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