i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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